It is amazing what has taken place since this same day last year. I can remember so well how nervous Scott and I were going to bed the night before Edie's birth. We spent the night doing some last minute things in Edie's room and enjoying our last night alone. With little sleep during the night we woke early to leave for the hospital around 10:00 am. I was starving, scared, excited and anxious all at the same time.
We had literally just put our bags down and I was told to change into my gown. I said "right now? Already!" I thought we would have a little more time to settle in. Well we did later among all of the cahos of the prep work. I was wheeled into the very cold, very white delivery room. The epidural was terrifying for me. All I wanted was to hold Scott's hand and see his face. I could feel sweat on my face. I asked Scott if I was sweating terribly and he just replied "you are beautiful".
While the nurse talked us through the procedure being preformed I just layed there saying over and over "please God, please God, please God let her be ok, let her cry so I can hear her". After what felt like an eternity I heard my baby cry and it was the most beautiful sound ever. I thanked God for his blessing and for giving us this wonderful opportunity. Scott brought Edie over to me, I touched her face, kissed her on her cheek and then she was gone.
I am not sure how long it was before I saw Edie again. It seemed like days. Scott would come in the room to check on me, give us reports on Edie and back to the NICU he went. He assured me everything was ok, Edie was fine and she was resting. I remember holding Edie for the first time in the NICU. I remember how beautiful she was even with all of those tubes and wires attached to her tiny body. I remember the first time we were able to bring her to our room to nurse her. It was early in the morning and it was snowing outside. It was perfect because we were all together as a family, finally.
The next few hours, days, weeks are now such a blur. I remember the heart ache I felt once Edie was diagnosed with DS, how the news was given to us. I felt like I had failed everyone and most of all I thought I had failed Edie. I was sad, confused, angry at God, wondering why did he choose our little baby, why did he choose us? How are we going to do this? I felt this way for several days until the night Scott and I went home without our little girl in our arms. As we were laying there in our bed - alone again- a calmness came over me. I felt this weight leaving my body and I knew right then and there that we were ok. God was going to show us his plan and was there with us. I also knew at that moment that Scott would take care of me and we - together - would love Edie with everything we had.
Edie quickly became the love of our life from the moment we laid eyes on her. She has given us much more this past year than we could have ever imagined. She has further developed our relationships with God, family, friends, and strangers. She has made life in general so much better because we appreciate the little things more. We are grateful to Edie for everything she has taught us and for everything we have experienced because of her. Edie's smile will melt your heart. Her eyes will light up a room. And her hair will make you look twice! I have never laughed so much in my life as I have this past year. I love being Edie's mom and I am so proud to say she is all ours!
Edie has made being parents so easy for us. She has always slept through the night since the day she came home. She greets us with a smile each morning. She leaves us with a smile each night. She is strong. She is determined. She is smart. She has a great personality. She is the best little girl we could have ever dreamed of having. I am so grateful to God for trusting me to assist him in the miracle of Edie's birth and I am grateful to God for trusting Scott and I to assist him in raising her. Thank you God for our miracle.
Thank you God for our special ladybug.
